standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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