i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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