some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
