the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
the condom got lost in my hair
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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