Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Randomize
