He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
