Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize