There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
