My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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