I accidentally had phone sex last night
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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