some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
