I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
