dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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