I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
