I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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