dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
