I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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