will power is for people who don't want to get laid
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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