I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I understand Curling. That high.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
