the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
