There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
