at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
