Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
