My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
