Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
