There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
