I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
