i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
