It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
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