I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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