Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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