garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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