1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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