I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
she pinky promised me she was 18
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
