Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
