New low: just hacked my moms facebook
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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