i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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