Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
