too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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