my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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