i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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