Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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