SEEEEXXX PLEASE
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
