Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
