So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize