I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
pop tarts are not kleenex
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
