one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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