absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
