turn off your phone and go to bed
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
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he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
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I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.