Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
god, I love you
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.