Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
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Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
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No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.