Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas