Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.