dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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