I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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