....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
