I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.