im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once