Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian