i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
