it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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