No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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