Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
