I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
