please come you make the beer taste better
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
