If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
