So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
