***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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