so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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