i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Randomize
