I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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